23 Jun Grief Myths You May Believe
As you reflect on the loss of someone you love and their journey through hospice, it may be helpful to understand what to expect from the coming weeks and months. We get our understanding of grief from other people, television, or society, and sometimes it’s not entirely accurate. To help you on your grief journey, let’s talk about common grief myths.
Myth #1: Grief is a burden.
It’s hard to argue with your emotions, but in many cases, they don’t tell you the full story. While grief may feel like a burden when you’re going through it, the emotions you’re feeling are actually healthy. Grief is a natural result of having loved deeply and wholly.
Myth #2: Grief goes away.
As nice as it would be to say that time will heal your wound and that your grief will one day go away, it’s simply not true. At the beginning of the grief journey, your grief feelings are front and center. However, as you do the work of grief and incorporate loss into your live, your feelings of grief will decrease in intensity.
Grieving isn’t about “getting over” the loss, it’s about finding a new way to move forward. There will be moments, even years, down the road when tears will come to your eyes, and that’s okay. Your feelings of love for that person will never go away, so there will always be a part of you that misses them and grieves their absence.
Myth #3: Grief and mourning are the same thing.
Though both grief and mourning are associated with the death of a loved one, there’s a difference between them. Grief refers to your internal thoughts and feelings. Mourning, on the other hand, is a shared, social response to loss. We mourn by taking our internal grief and turning it into actions.
When we don’t find ways to outwardly express (mourn) what we feel inside (grief), complications can occur, often resulting in a longer period of intense grief. Finding a way to express what you feel is an important and necessary part of grieving.
Myth #4: There's a set time frame for grief.
Sometimes, you may feel like well-meaning friends or family members are rushing your grieving process. In truth, there’s no set time frame for grief. Learning how to move forward often depends on the type of loss and the depth of the relationship.
As long as you are actively doing the work of grief: engaging with your emotions, talking through your loss, and finding ways to honor your loved one’s memory, you will find your way to reconciliation.
Myth #5: Grief is the same, regardless of the loss you experience.
In some ways, it’s easier to relate to someone who has gone through a similar loss, but to say that the grief is the same is untrue. Even if two women have each lost a husband, they are individual people with unique personalities and ways of coping. While both women lost a spouse, they will deal with the loss differently based on their unique personalities, their backgrounds, and the type of relationship they shared with their spouse. When you talk all these factors into account, there is no way that the experience can be the same from person to person, even if the type of loss falls into the same category. People may experience similar emotions: sadness, anger, relief, regret, and guilt, but even the expression of these emotions varies from person to person. Every journey is individual and should be handled with kindness and compassion.
Myth #6: Moving forward with your life means forgetting your loss.
While the ultimate goal of the grief journey is to find a way to move forward, this doesn’t mean you will forget about the person you love. They are forever a part of you and you were shaped in some way by your relationship with them. Moving forward is about finding continued meaning and purpose in life following your loss.
Learning to live again won’t make you forget about your loved one. Living through loss gives you an even greater appreciation for the time you shared and a desire to cherish the time. you have left with living loved ones.
Myth #7: There are five stages of grief.
More than likely, you’ve heard of the theory about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This theory was focused on the grief stages that patients go through following a terminal diagnosis. You and your loved one in hospice care may have gone through the five stages of grief as you come to terms with a terminal diagnosis. However, the five stages of grief don’t apply to the grief you will feel after your loved one has died.
Grief isn’t simple. Your emotions may be all over the place and come in no order. You feel what you feel when you feel it, ad all you can do is work through it when it comes.
Myth #8: There's a right way to grieve.
Every grief journey is different because every person and relationship is different. The same principle holds true for how you express your grief. For some, crying comes very naturally as a way to release emotions. For others, it’s writing, walking, creating, or simply sitting with the feelings quietly.
None of those ways is more right or wrong than another. Give yourself permission to grieve in a way that feels true to you. And when you can, find a safe space to let it out, because the only real way to navigate grief is through it.
If you or someone you love is navigating loss, please know you don’t have to do it alone. Our team is here to listen, support, and walk alongside you. Reach out whenever you’re ready, we’re here.